A Parker Update After the First Visit

Dearest Mandy,

So, things with Parker are continuing to go well.  He actually came for a 4 day visit last weekend.  At first, it was a little awkward to see him in person.  I felt myself closing my eyes, just to hear his voice, because that is what I was used to on the phone!  We had an incredible time together.  It was the perfect mix of adventure, time with friends, and relaxing.  All in all, he's pretty incredible...have I said that before? :)  We have a lot in common, yet are also good compliments for each other.  My favorite moment was when we was sitting at the kitchen stool and I turned around to catch him watching me.  When I asked what he was doing, he replied, "Just watching you multi-task like crazy.  I'm trying to figure out your next move so that I can sweep in and intercept you with a hug."  He was great about making me "pause" and remember to be thankful for the little things.  I help him with organization and follow through on his good intentions.  The list could really go on and on.....yet, we are still trying to be rational about the situation, given that we are 981 miles apart and both have jobs and mortgage payments.  He helped me book my tickets for Minnesota for Spring Break, which I am really looking forward to.  I'll get to meet his brother and his dad while I'm there. 

So, thank you for your prayers, advise, and encouragement.  We are both attempting to keep our emotions in check and tread lightly.  At the same time, we are excited for where this could lead.  Parker is the first guy who is running at the same pace, and in the same direction, and is in a similar place that I'm in in life.  Pray that we would do the Lord's will, that we would be obedient to His desires, and not just our own.

I love you, Andrea

Mountains & Prairie Meet...FINALLY

Parker flew in for the long holiday weekend.  It was the first time we’ve met in person (according to him, since he doesn’t remember the time at church).  I picked him up after school at the local airport.  He was standing out on the sidewalk in a plaid long-sleeved shirt and jeans, leaning on his luggage.  I’ve talked to him so much on the phone and with Skype, but it was kind of weird to finally see him in person.  His eyes are brown.  Not just regular brown, but deep dark coffee-with-no-cream brown. (This was a new phenomenon for a girl who comes from a family with hazel eyes.) I remember looking into them for quite some time during the first awkward silence after he got into my vehicle. We went to Garden of the Gods, on a walk around my neighborhood, and to church.  We watched James and the Giant Peach.  We also had dinner with Jenna and Jake (in their tiny rented apartment) and Lisa and Cameron.  We played games and Parker knew just how to fit in J  He cracked a joke at just the right time, which resulted in Cameron spraying water all over the five of us!  My friends approved.  He finally put his arm around me AFTER the movie on my couch, though I was hoping for it the whole time.  We also headed up to Mueller State for some snowshoeing and then to an ice sculpture event.  It was a great weekend.  Even today, we still when we “officially” got together, though we’ll agree on Monday, February, 21, 2011 when Parker asked me to be his girl when he called me from MN to tell me that he was back.  

A beautiful blue sky day

Lucy's wardrobe door

Star Wars anyone?

Dr. Suess' one fish, two fish

Excitement & Anticipation

My dear Andrea,

So much has happened so quickly.  Maybe that's my doing.

who are we and where are we going?  what matters to us?

life is coming at us hard and fast.  and what do we do about it?  which is more important, quality or quantity?  

How should we proceed? What are we even up to?

So now that I have spilled all that over the table of this page, I figured I should say something other than a random question.  My dad used to say I had machine gun questions.  That even in person, I could ask one after another so fast I couldn't even hear the answers.  I must be one curious fella.  

You are very important to me, Andrea.  Its one of the reasons I think so much.  Its one of the reasons I am so hard on myself. I don't know the path forward, I don't know the bumps that may lie ahead, and I cant plot a safe course through the storms that lie ahead.  These are all things I might otherwise try to do, yet i find myself unable.  I say all this because you matter.  I am a very odd mix of serious and silly.  On the one hand, I may appear the clown joking all day and laughing and smiling.  Yet as my thoughts descend, I can be as serious as anything.  Sometimes that can seem dark and gloomy.    I mention that as you have asked me and I have thought on what is transpiring and I think it is a delicate balance I struggle to find between the silly and the serious.

There,  I said I would not think too much and its out.  I just had to let that little bit out after our talk.  I pray that God would grant me peace from myself, and that He would guide my thoughts to Him and light my path in the night.  He is my rock when my thoughts hit me like waves.  

Ok, your picture has inspired great joy in my heart and I must share it.  The best response I can think of is in light of you inquiry as to the qualities I might be looking for in a gal.  You most certainly have some amazing qualities.  You are someone I admire and get excited about.  You are the girl who from across international borders, and then from 3 states away, has caught my attention and changed my life in an amazing way.   i am all caught up and captivated by you.  I debated extensively how foolish I would be to even try to talk to you.  as I said you are irresistible.  

Now I find its important to find out how we relate.  How we talk, how we deal with life and what we can be.  Its not as much just collections of facts but how we interact. The whole can be so much more than the sum of the parts. and that is what this is about for me.  to know how the idea of we looks and works.  

I have trouble waiting for the weeks to pass until I can fly to see you.  I will try to find order in  the chaos and bring balance to the time we share.  I want you to know I value any time you share with me for I know your  time is valuable to you and you are not likely to waste it, or fritter it away.  A gift such as that I will not take lightly.

Forgive me, I fell asleep writing that.  Just woke up on the couch, and now off to bed...

your midwestern fool,

park

Hey Park,

Thanks for your thoughts.  I'm sorry that you feel asleep on the couch, but hopefully you'll get more hours of sleep that you have been the past few nights.  As I said on the phone, thank you for being honest with me tonight.  Given my past, trust and honesty are huge for me.  You are an incredible guy, because somehow you make me feel safe and secure....despite all my insecurities, doubt, and baggage.  I feel like I can be myself and you haven't run for the hills...yet :)  Thanks for giving me time and space as we get to know one another.  It's tempting to want to go fast, but I think that things that are quality are worth the wait.  

Man, you came up with some winner analogies!  The one about you wanting to plot a safe course around the storm was so sweet.  It's like you are my old fashioned night in shining armor.  Again, you make me feel protected.  But also, know this.  I'm not that afraid of storms in life, so long as I don't have to go at them alone.  Between God and Parker, I'm feeling pretty confident about anything life can throw my way.  So long as you are with me through the storms I can handle them. 

Also, I can't believe that "Mr. Patience" is having trouble waiting 14 more days :)  I'm excited and anxious about the time too.  I really like your leadership style (not just from the book, though I do like some of those qualities too), and I think it's sweet of you to want to find order in chaos and bring balance to the time we share.  Really, I'm not always this crazy and busy.  I do make time for the stuff that matters. 

I'm so thankful that you bought your Colorado ticket.  It helps me feel cared about and that you follow through on your word.  I thank God for the kind of man that you are, Parker, and also for the one you continue to strive to be.

Never call yourself a fool, because then I don't know what that would make me!

I have a secret of my own...I might like you a little too...

Andrea

Dear Andrea,

(been workin on this one all day...)

I did get an exceptional amount of sleep.  What a glorious day to face the beauty and challenges with a full nights sleep.  Trust and honesty are huge for me too, and they will be an important point for us to focus on.  As much fun as we seem to be capable o f having even with a thousand miles between us, there are difficult talks, and hard topics that I am sure we have yet to face together.  Security is a difficult topic because as I think back to CS Lewis's comments on our heavenly Father through the analogy of Aslan:

"Is He safe?"

"course He isn't safe... but He's good."

I think of trying to guarantee  or deliver security to my future family in a world where God has not guaranteed my own security.  It is a very troubling topic.  Yet, you have stated it rather well as it relates well to God.  We are not safe in this world.  We are safe in Him.  The relationship is the safety and security, not the possessions, status, or interactions with the world.  It would be futile for me to think I could protect my family from the hazards of the world, but I can provide them with security in the love of the relationships of the family.  Just as God has first loved me, I would strive to model that for my family.  I will never perfectly match His love, but I think we are called to love with all we have.  There is much wisdom in time and space as how we relate is very much a matter of who we are and what we are comfortable with.  Who would I be to demand that you be some version of a person that I think I would like.  just like a flower that is about to bloom, I must wait patiently until your full beauty is revealed.  Who you truly are I cannot force, and would not want to.

As for my analogies, you may grow weary of them, but your insistence on clarity and directness is a very welcome influence on me.  I very much feel like the captain of a sailing ship, and love the parallels, as I go where ever the wind takes me, yet at the same time, I can use the sails to harness the wind and choose a bit of my own path. Similarly I cannot control the weather in the sky or the waves in the sea, but simply how my vessel responds to them.  My life is much the same, I can only control how I react to the situations I face.  As for the knight in armor (shininess tbd), that may in fact be my favorite analogy with respect to a fine young princess, though if I recall I am just a knight.  Some knight who may know of the fair princess, who may be captivated by her, he may not have fully won her favor and be honored with server her and being 'her' knight.  All in due time I suppose.  I do have great patience in this. :)  I agree with you very much about facing the storms without fear as opposed to steering clear, as I was hinting there are many storms that cannot be avoided.

I will write more soon... I may try to call if you are not busy.  I am almost done here at the office...

your favorite minnesotan?

park